Brewers Pub

There has been long debate and countless hours spent gibber-jabbing around about the authenticity of wrestling, specifically TNA. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not my place to dictate what you find entertaining… but some folks just go on and on about how fake wrestling is.

Well I managed to snag some proof the other night. See this gentleman getting his head slammed into the ring by that really powerful guy standing over him?

Kinda gives new meaning to “Smackdown” doesn’t it? Be afraid… be very afraid.

The other day I went out to buy a cassette adapter for my iPod, so that I could play it in my car (the fact that I still manage to have a cassette player in my car is not up for discussion). Upon anxiously removing it from the yellow plastic Best Buy bag (shameless plug), I couldn’t wait to plug it in and get to jammin’…BUT…unbeknownst to me when I bought it, it was packaged in one of those Fort Knox plastic encasements that can only be opened by Edward freakin’ Scissorhands!!!What is with this REDICULOUS packaging?!?!?!? Let’s think about what is packaged like this: cassette adapters, batteries, remote controls, cheap cell phones and their accessories, etc. etc. etc.

Let’s think about what is NOT packaged like this: Guns, drugs (OTC or not), “women of the night” (there’s an idea), anything poisonous, cigarettes, or basically anything dangerous at all!

Who’s idea was this? I have gone over the possibilities in my head as to why companies would do this, and they are all preposterous!!! They are:

Theft deterrent: yes, because stealing is supposed to be the hard part, not opening the stolen merchandise!!!

Attractive Packaging: Really…I mean…REALLY!

So that you can hang it on the damn display case: One word: SHELF

Demonstration of Value: eh hem…I have never seen anything worth more than $20 in this type of packaging…have you? Plus, the only thing I value after opening one of these is the time I lost trying to blow the packaging open with an M60 (which also didn’t work, and didn’t come in a plastic case).

It is time to do away with this damn plastic skin on products!!! And if you just gotta have it…use it on something that makes sense! You want a crime deterrent? Put weapons in this damn plastic packaging!!! Half of these idiots out there will cut their hands open trying to dig it out and not be able to hold the gun anyway.

Oh, and my favorite EVER: Scissors are packaged like this!!! SCISSORS!! How in your face is this? “Yeah, you wish you could get in here to these scissors…but you need them to OPEN THIS PACKAGE!!!”

What do you suppose they are inspecting for?

A cowboy gets pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable.

Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The cowboy sez, “Y’all havin’ some problem with circle flies?”

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, “Well yeah, if that’s what they’re called.

But I never heard of circle flies.”

“Well, sir,” the cowboy replies, “Circle flies hang around ranches. They’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”

The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and says, “Are you callin’ me a horse’s ass?”

No, sir,” the cowboy replies. “I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y’all a horse’s ass.”

“That’s a good thing,” the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, “Hard to fool them flies though.”

A woman is in bed with her lover who happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation …
She is speaking in a cheery voice “Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye.”
She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks, “Who was that? Oh, she replies, that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he’s having with you on his fishing trip.

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.
“No, I don’t” she replied.
Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.”
She didn’t crack a smile.
“Oh, well. I tried,” he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
I was just picturing how condoms are made!” she said.

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked.
The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” He asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. “No!” she shouted.
“Could I have a pint of ale?”
“No!” she shouted.
“Could I at least sleep in your stable?”
“No!” she shouted again.
The vagabond said, “Might I please…?”
“What now?” the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
“D’ye suppose,” he asked, “that I might have a word with George?”

IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.”

We haven’t used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”

From Kingman, KS

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

From Kansas City!

IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for a dear coworker: She was leaving the company due to “downsizing.” Our manager commented cheerfully, “This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office.

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “Its open!” His reply, “I know – I already got that side.”

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!

Just a little note about the season