Brewers Pub

Actual answering machine messages recorded and verified by the World famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers:

Hi, John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator…. Please speak very slowly while I write down the message and I’ll stick it to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave a message and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we’re probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise we probably aren’t home and it’s safe to leave us a message.

Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Carol. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Carol likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right… real slowly. So leave a message and when we’re done brushing our teeth we’ll get back to you.