Brewers Pub

The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him ‘MIDNIGHT’… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said ‘We need a new cuckoo clock.’

When I asked him why, he said, ‘Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said ‘oh shit.’ Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

DO NOT SWALLOW YOUR CHEWING-GUM

See what happens?

A woman goes into a store to buy a fishing rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a store employee standing there with dark shades on. She says, “Excuse me sir …..can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says , “Ma’am I’m blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.”

She didn’t believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line……It’s a good all around rod and reel and it’s $20.00.”

She says, “That’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for so I’ll take it”

He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her … being blind he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50.”

She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”

He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!”

Look at my piggy bank after I bought gas today.

Contributed by Pat

Here are some really neat facts!

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that’s about what my memory span is.)

A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.!)

When Coca Cola was first produced it was a green colour.

In the United Kingdom Indian restaurants employ more people than steel making, mining and shipbuilding industries put together!

Chop Suey was invented in New York City not in China.

McDonalds restaurant buys two billion eggs a year solely for the huge demand for their egg Mcmuffins!

In the USA Americans eat about 18 acres of pizza a day!

French Fries are originally from Belgium not France.

The soft drink ‘7-Up’ got it’s name from the inventor who had already rejected six other names for the product.

McDonald’s fast food restaurant opened its training school, Hamburger University, in Oak Brook, Illinois in 1961.

China is the second largest fast food market after the United States.

Fast food is not a new idea. In ancient Rome there were vendors who sold food ready to eat from street stalls.

Britons eat, on average, 2.2 curries per week - spending £2.8 billion on the hot stuff every year!

Here are some really neat facts!

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that also)

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Here are some really neat facts!

The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that.)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know more than you did before!!