Brewers Pub

Your online local pub
Subscribe


Archive for June, 2008

Error Messages

June 29, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Fun Stuff

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”

*This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”

* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

*User Error: Replace user.

*Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”

*If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you
and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have
security?

*Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.

Office Jokes

June 29, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Fun Stuff

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, “Hi, I’m great in bed, how about it?”.
- That’s Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a tenner. She goes up and says “Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?”.
- That’s Advertising.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow mop up her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say “Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?”
- That’s Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, “Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?”.
- That’s Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You put on your spring boots and walk around playing Mr. Busy. You put on your best smile and walk around being Mr. Congenial. You fresh all the Thesaurus links in your memory and play Mr. Polished. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing the Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, “Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?”.
- That’s Hard Selling.

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, “Hi, I hear you’re great in bed, how about it?”
- Now THAT is the power of Branding.

Women’s Wish

June 27, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Pictures

Aussie Trouser Snake

June 27, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Fun Stuff

An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.

The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. ” In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”.

The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! “

Weekend At Bernie’s

June 26, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Pictures

week

Golf Genie

June 26, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Fun Stuff

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don’t knock out any windows. It’ll cost us a fortune to fix.”

The wife teed up and shacked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, “I told you to watch out for the houses. alright, let’s go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost.”

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, “Come on in.” They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke my window?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.” the husband replied.

“No, actually I want to thank you. I’m a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You’ve released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes-I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”

“OK, great!” the husband said. ” I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.” “No problem-it’s the least I could do. And you, what do you want?” the genie said, looking at the wife. “I want a house in every country of the world,” she said. “Consider it done.” the genie replied.

“And what’s your wish, genie?”, the husband said. “Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”

The husband looks at the wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don’t care.” The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, “How old is your husband, anyway?”
“35.” she replied.

“And he still believes in genies?….That’s amazing!”

Duck Hunting

June 24, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Pictures

du

Duties of Wives..

June 24, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Fun Stuff

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from Greece and bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

Jimmie had married a woman from Italy. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Canadian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.

God Bless Canadian Women

contributed by Pat

Car Bumper Stickers

June 22, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Fun Stuff

This truck is protected by an anti-social German Shepherd

Is there life after death? Touch the Rednecks truck and find out!

Ford Off road, if it ain’t a Ford you either have to DODGE it or the trail or pull it out cus its sunk like a ROCK

I’m NOT speeding, I’m qualifing!

If this car was a horse I’d have to shoot it.

Do me a favor…Steal this car.

Warning: Driver only carries $20 worth of ammunition!

I don’t like tailgaters, that’s why I’m speeding.

If I go any faster I’ll burn out my hamster!

I am the only one on this planet who know how to drive.

Doorway

June 21, 2008 By: Debbie Lee Category: Pictures

Check out the illusion below, it looks like the person is standing near an entry to another room but actually its not so. It is a painting on the wall which looks so original.

ill