Brewers Pub

Coca-cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

Smartest dogs: 1) Scottish border collie; 2) Poodle; 3) Golden retriever. Dumbest: Afghan hound.

Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where he or she grew up: 1 in 2

Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000

City with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4

Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

Estimated percentage of American adults who go on a diet each year: 44%

Barbie’s measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33

Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7

Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36%

Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43%

City with the highest per capita viewership of television evangelists: Washington DC

Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%

Percentage of American women who say they’d marry the same man: 50%

Percentage of American men who say they’re happier after their divorce or separation: 58%

Percentage of American women who say they are happier: 85%

Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland/Disney World: 70%

If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.

Humans are the only primates that don’t have pigment in the palms of their hands.

Ten percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.

The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to test telex/two communications)

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Stewardesses’ is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.

“I am” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie.” (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down – hence the expression “to get fired.”

No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.

All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:20.

Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice-president Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching
Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.They
argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the
counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you
please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we
are…very slowly?”
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr,
Kiiiiing.”

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year old daughter:
Mother: “What does the cow say?”
Child: “Moooo!”
Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”
Child: “Meow.”
Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?”
The wide-eyed little 3-year old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”

Chad wasn’t too happy with his doctor’s recommendation to cure his constant
fatigue. “You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?” he cried. “I’m a
young guy. I’m in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up
sex and go cold turkey?”
“Well,” replied the doctor, “you could get married and taper off gradually…”

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books.
Willie came up to the teacher’s desk and said, “Miss Francis, I ain’t got
no crayons.”
“Willie,” Miss Francis said, “you mean, “I don’t have any crayons.’ You
don’t have any crayons. We don’t have any crayons. They don’t have any
crayons. Do you see what I’m getting at?”
“Not really,” Willie said, “What happened to all them crayons?”

How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine?
It’s the one with the teeth marks on the cap.

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,”
admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell
you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have
complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired Navy man assured him.
“I’ll take it.”
The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed.
“How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.
“Never better.”
The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring?”
“Nope, I shut him up in no time” said the Navy guy.
“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.
“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the sailor
explained.
“I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, ‘Goodnight,
beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

So one morning this blonde calls her friend and says “Please come over and
help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to
start it.”
Her friend asks “What is it a puzzle of?”
The blonde says “From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
So, the blonde’s friend figures that he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he
heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to the
table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to
her and says:
“First, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to
assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.”
“Second, I’d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted
Flakes back in the box.”

MANY people need to pay attention to some of this although number 6 wouldn’t surprise me if it was true.

Whoever decided to create this note should receive some type of humanitarian award. It says it all!

Number 1:
Big companies don’t do business via chain letters.
Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation.
There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks.
Proctor and Gamble is not part of a satanic cult or scheme, and its logo is not satanic.
MTV will not give you backstage passes if you forward something to the most people.
The Gap is not giving away free clothes.
You can relax; there is no need to pass it on “just in case it’s true.”

Number 2:
There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans.
No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin.
If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, see:
http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm
And I quote:
“The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories.”
None have.
That’s “none” as in “zero.”
Not even your friend’s cousin.

Number 3:
Neiman Marcus doesn’t really sell a $200 cookie recipe.
And even if they do, we all have it.
And even if you don’t, you can get a copy at:
http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html
Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.

Number 4:
If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain letter?

Number 5:
There is no “Good Times” virus.
In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm that an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with viruses.
Try: http://www.norton.com
And even then, don’t forward it. We don’t care.

Number 6:
There is no gang initiation plot to murder any motorist who flashes headlights at another car driving at night without lights.

Number 7:
If you’re using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off the “HTML encoding.”
Those of us on Unix shells can’t read it, and don’t care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser since you’re probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.

Number 8:
If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who’s received it over the last 6 months.
It sure wouldn’t hurt to get rid of all the “>>>” that begin each line either.
Besides, if it has gone around that many times we’ve probably already seen it.

Number 9:
Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc) in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards.
He apparently is no longer a “little boy” either.

Number 10:
The “Make a Wish” foundation is a real organization doing fine work, but they have had to establish a special toll free hot line in response to the large number of Internet hoaxes using their good name and reputation.
It is distracting them from the important work they do.

Number 11:
If you are one of those insufferable idiots who forwards anything that “promises” something bad will happen if you “don’t,” — then something bad will happen to you if I ever meet you in a dark alley.

Number 12:
Women really are suffering in Afghanistan, but forwarding an e-mail won’t help their cause in the least.
If you want to help, contact your local legislative representative, or get in touch with Amnesty International or the Red Cross.

Number 13:
As a general rule, e-mail “signatures” are easily faked and mean nothing to anyone with any power to do anything about whatever the competition is complaining about.

Number 14:
KFC really does use real Chickens, with feathers and beaks and feet.
No, they really do.
Why did they change their name?
In this health conscious world, what was KFC’s name?
Kentucky FRIED Chicken.
FRIED is not healthy.
So with the help of a focus group, they changed the name to KFC.
It’s short, doesn’t offend dieters and it’s easy to remember.

Number 15:
Another thing, just because someone said in a message, four generations back, that “we checked it out and it’s legit,” does not actually make it true.
PS: There is no bill pending before Congress that will allow long distance companies to charge you for using the Internet.

Bottom Line…
Composing e-mail or posting something on the Net is as easy as writing on the walls of a public restroom.
Don’t automatically believe it until it’s proven false.
ASSUME it’s false, unless there is proof that it’s true.

Just when you thought you knew everything…

To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl. Let the “real thing” sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, And run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.

It will also clean road haze from your windshield. AND WE DRINK THIS STUFF!

FYI: The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It’s pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. To carry Coca Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material placards reserved for Highly Corrosive materials. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Who said children are getting dumber every year? Check out the wisecracks below and judge for yourselves:

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That’s impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can’t fool me, Teacher…snakes don’t have feet.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don’t bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an “A” so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time – however, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation.

“Cool,” they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, “this is going to be easy.” Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

On the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?

Let’s face it – we’ve all had our share of embarrassing moments. Just be thankful that none of them were as humiliating (and hilarious!) as these:

“A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!”

“A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away.”

“A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE.” That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word ‘Tampax’ for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, “Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?” She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, “I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments.” The cunning guy now yells loudly, “What do you mean by $500?”

Proper weight control cannot be attained by dieting alone; however, many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require much (or any) physical exercise.

Here’s the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.

Beating around the bush . . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . .75
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 650

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.

She looked at him and smiled. “Jerves,” she said.”Take off my dress.” He did this carefully.”Jerves,” she continued.” Take off my stockings and garter.” He silently obeyed her. “Jerves,” she then said. “Remove my bra and panties.” As he did this, the tension continued to mount.

She looked at him and then said, “Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you’re fired!”