Brewers Pub

(AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN) 

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren,  nieces, nephews or students… here is something to make you chuckle. 

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that  even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children. 

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. 

And the first thing he said was 

‘ DON’T !’ 

‘Don ‘t what ? ’  Adam replied. 

‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’  God said. 

‘Forbidden fruit ? We have forbidden fruit ?   Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! ’ 

 ’ No Way ! ’ 

‘Yes way ! ’ 

‘Do NOT eat the fruit ! ’  said God. 

 ’Why ? ’ 

‘Because I am your Father and I said so ! ’   God replied,  wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants 

A few minutes later,  God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked ! 

‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit ? ’  God asked. 

 ’Uh huh,’  Adam replied. 

‘Then why did you ? ’ said the Father. 

‘I don’t know,’ said Eve. 

‘She started it! ’ Adam said. 

‘Did not ! ’ 

‘Did too ! ’ 

‘DID NOT ! ’ 

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve  should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. 

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. 

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you ? 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children. 

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children  more awful than your own. 

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in. 

 ADVICE FOR THE DAY: 

Be nice to your kids.   They will choose your nursing home one day 

AND FINALLY: 

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: 

 ’TAKE TWO ASPIRIN’  AND ‘KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN’!!!!! 

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the
turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the
bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

As owners of this website we occasionally use it for personal purposes.

Today we are using it for a very sad story that has affected so many people….

You can read the story HERE .

Amber Lee was our niece and cousin , we are so saddened by the loss of 2 such young people, we can not even find the words to express how badly we feel.

We had the great opportunity to watch Amber grow from a baby to a young women, to hear the laughter and share in the tears, but only had the opportunity to be with 9 month old Payton a few times in her very short life.

We loved them both and all we can say is may God take care of you Amber and Payton and we know you will be happy spending eternity together.

We will be spending the next 2 days with wakes and the funeral and will grieve for our loss, but we will also be able to find joy in the fact that mother and daughter are together and that Amber died a hero trying to save young Payton’s life.

Until we meet again ….

Uncle Steve, Aunt Debbie & Chris

Hey, want to see your name in lights? Have a funny picture, story or joke you would like to to share?

Send them to us and we will post them on our site with your name as credit.

Send to jokes at brewerspub.com (replace at with @)

Thank you

Hey all, seems there was a small problem with the Salsa recipe I posted a few weeks ago. Please find the corrected recipe.

I am sorry if this was a problem for anyone.

Thanks

To all of our American readers …

Happy 4th of July

Hi all,

Just wanted to let you know, that if you have a PDA or iPhone were are now friendly with those devices. So if your on the go or on the road you can still get your fix of Brewers Pub on your mobile device!

Got a joke or recipe? Funny picture? Send it our way and we will post it and give you the recognition you so deserve. Send your stuff to support at brewerspub.com

The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
4 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals,
so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons.
That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you’re just sitting there reading jokes all day!

Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about ageing that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .. . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!” May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them.”

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Contributed by Pat