Brewers Pub

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned and replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.” Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.
When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injector chamber.

Walter

One of our writers for our web page is having a birthday today.

I would like to take the opportunity to wish you a Happy Birthday Helen, and here’s to many many more.

From all of us here at Brewer’s Pub

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played Solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is
that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see
if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of
the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have
the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for
panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward
this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t#9 on
this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to.

Beer has been around for centuries. The age old question has been asked. “Who makes the best beer in the world”. There are many answers from many different countries that would claim they make the best beer.

I personally believe it is totally a matter of what kind of beer you like, whether it’s ale, lager, porter, pilsner, bitter, India Pale Ale, alt, stout, Lambic or any other type.

I don’t drink beer, don’t like the taste of beer, but I do know that some countries make very good beers and ales. I have heard that Germany, Belgium, UK, and Canada makes some pretty good beers, but I’m sure there are many of you out there that would disagree with me.

Although I can’t actually tell you which ones you should drink as it is all a matter of preference, I believe people owe it to themselves to try some different beers from around the world. Why not make it a “Beers from Around the World” party.

Next time you sit down to have your next beer, think to yourself, “Is this the best beer I have ever tried?” If it’s not, pick up some different beers the next time you are buying beer and give them a try. You might be mildly surprised.

This is just my thoughts and opinions, now send me your comments.

Dress Code:
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
Money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
Therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to
Be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof
Of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor;
You are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
You can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees
Attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where
Employee involvement is necessary; the funeral should
Be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad
To allow you to work through your lunch hour and
Subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
Stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound,
The toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
Open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
Offense, your picture will be posted on the company
Bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned
Under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to
Eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
Balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s
All the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
To provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
Irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
Accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should
Be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Welcome to Brewers Pub, the online pub without the sawdust on
the floor!

It seems we can’t own a pub yet (just another of the many things on our list to do) so we decided to open one online. We wish to explore the world of Home Brewing, Wine Making, BBQ, Sports, Chicks and just some of the things we and other people REALLY like.

This is the latest endeavor of Stephen Lee and Terence Smelser but this one is different, we are only doing it for fun.