I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
£15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split £7 million
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so
a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore
and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t even pick up the £5.00 I found

dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex

molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.

By the way….a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

…………………………..Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late!!!!!