Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time and reminds him to be still and keep quiet.
An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. “I thought I told you to be quiet!” says Joe.
“Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me,” says Steve, “and I was quiet when the fox attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, ‘Should we eat them now or take them with us?’”
A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their ‘nooner’: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn’t getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
‘Homer,’ said the doctor, ‘just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you’re in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene’s signal to come out to you. Then you won’t lose any field time.’
They tried Doc’s advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor’s office.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked the Doc. ‘Didn’t my idea work?’
‘Oh, it worked good,’ said Homer. ‘whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene’d come runnin’. We’d fina a secluded place, make love, and then she’d go back home again.’
‘Good, Homer. So what’s the problem?’ asked the Doc.
‘Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain’t seen her since huntin’ season started’
