Happy St. Patrick’s Day
O’Shaughnessy needs time off
Soon after O’Shaughnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office.
When O’Shaughnessy returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if it was bad news.’ To be shure it was, Boss, ‘he replied, ‘I just found out from Ireland that my mother died earlier this morning.’
‘Gosh, that’s awful, ‘replied the foreman, ‘Do you want the rest of the day off?’
‘No, ‘replied O’Shaughnessy. ‘ I’ll finish the day out.’
About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him in the office. This time when O’Shaughnessy returned he looked twice as glum, and the foreman asked if everything was alright.
‘Bejeezuz Boss, its even worse news. That was my brother, and his mother died today too!’
Paddy counts his Rabbits
Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.
Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Paddy: Five.
Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.
Examiner: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy: Four.
Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.
Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Paddy: I’ve already got one rabbit at home!
Old Flame?
An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the Gardai, who asks her, ‘Ma’am did you know that you were speeding?’
Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, ‘What did he say?’
Mick yells out, ‘He says you were speeding!’
The Garda said, ‘May I see your license, please ma’am?’
Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, ‘What did he say?’
Once more, Mick, shouts out, ‘He wants to see your license!’
Irene gives the policeman her driving license.
The Garda retorts, ‘I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.’
For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, ‘What did he say?’
Mick yells very loudly, ‘He thinks he knows you!’
