While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
‘It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.’
He addressed the man,
‘Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?’
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, ‘It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?
A couple was having their Sunday morning breakfast when the wife went to get her Sunday church clothes on. When she returned, the husband was still in his bathrobe.
“Aren’t you going to church this morning?” asked the wife.
“No, I’m not going this morning. In fact, I’m not going to church anymore at all.”
“What do you mean, we’ve gone to church for years, so why the change?
He responded, “Look, there are people at that church who don’t like me, and frankly, there are people at that church that I don’t like, and I’M NOT GOING!”
She answered back, “I’ll give you two good reasons why you need to go to church. One, you’re 42 years old. Two, you gotta go, you’re the preacher.”
A man was out for a walk and saw a funeral procession. But this one was strange.
There was two hirsch… then a man and a dog walking behind them… then a very long line of people.
Curious, he went up to the man and asked, “who died?”
The man answered “my mother-in-law and my wife”
So then the man asked “if you don’t mind me asking, how did they die? ”
The man answered “my dog killed them”
The man thought for a moment then asked “Can I borrow your dog?”
The man pointed behind him and said “Get in line”
Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day’s work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joe’s curiosity got the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?”
The man replied, “There’s a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin’ good, I’m headin’ home!”
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that
towel..’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?’
Moral of the story:
if you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said.
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.”
Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, ‘I think I’m
going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.’
Frank continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,
‘You better think it over – women like that are hard to find.’
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A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for an unusual gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he’s looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn’t seem to be much of a singer. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet’s left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; “Silent Night, Holy Night.”The husband is very impressed with Chet’s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet’s right foot. Chet now starts to sing “Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way.” The husband says Chet is perfect and that he’ll take him.The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet to her and starts to explain the parrot’s special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet’s left foot and the bird sings “Silent Night.” He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of “Jingle Bells.” The wife is absolutely amazed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet’s legs instead. With his curiosity aroused, the husband relocates the lighter as his wife suggested and the bird begins to sing – Chet’s nuts Roasting on an Open Fire! (Ouch!) |
