Brewers Pub

To all my fellow Canadians, Happy Canada Day! I hope you do something special to celebrate Canada’s Birthday.

We, the posters at Brewers Pub wish to acknowledge that the following is just a joke and we do not in any way have anything against English or French people or poodles.

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The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, ‘Ma’am, may I have that seat?’

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular  ‘Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.’

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.

‘Please, ma’am.    May I sit down? I’m very tired..’

She snorted, ‘Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!’

This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked,   ‘Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!’

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, ‘Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You hold the fork in the wrong hand.

You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

The heavenly transporter of blessed souls had not moved for a few hours awaiting a notable passenger. 

Suddenly, a cavalcade of angels appeared escorting a beautiful woman.  She stepped into the transporter and was greeted by the driver, “Welcome aboard Ms. Fawcett”.  

She smiled and said  “I’m glad to be here, when do we leave”.   The driver replied that it was not his determination, but that of St. Peter.

After a few hours, there was an extreme sound of fluttering wings as another cavalcade of angels appeared.  The person escorted stepped into the the transporter and was greeted by the driver, “welcome aboard Mr. Jackson.” 

Micheal replied, “thank you, the trip was unexpected, I appreciate you waiting.”  

The driver replied, “you are welcome, but the determination was that of St. Peter. 

He said, “Now we will be on our way.”

When the transported arrived at the “Pearly Gates of Heaven,”   St. Peter was standing there.   He said ” I want to welcome you both to Heaven.   I have someone here that has been awaiting your arrival.

Farrah and Micheal looked and to their surprise they saw Ed McMahon. 

Micheal spoke to Ed saying “It was nice of you to wait here for us.”

Ed replied, “Do you think that I would miss the opportunity to say HEEERRREEE’SSS….. MICHEAL…”

A thought of inspiration and humor that I wanted to share with you, if you so desire, you may pass it on.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the
turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the
bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk ‘I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Categories:

Combine all ingredients into a small bowl and mix well

Keep covered in your refrigerator until needed

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.

Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that
towel..’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?’

Moral of the story:

if you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.